I want to formally apologize for an action that I took on Friday that was hurtful. I silenced one of our members, Ebony Love, someone who has been a longtime member of our community.
This event occurred in our Facebook group. A member of our group posted a question, and Ebony answered it in a helpful, straightforward manner, as did several other members. A few hours later the member chose to delete her post. Ebony then created a new post explaining why deleting a thread hurts the group as a whole. In the comments on that thread, I asked Ebony to speak in a kinder tone. That was wrong of me to do. My words silenced Ebony’s. We then made the decision to close the comments on that second thread, which effectively silenced her again.
Ebony has always stood out to me as an exceptionally smart and professional presence in our community and in the quilting industry at large. When I interviewed her for the Craft Industry Alliance podcast I was incredibly impressed with her deep knowledge and understanding of business concepts. When she conducted a webinar for Craft Industry Alliance I learned a tremendous amount from her expertise. I admire Ebony as a professional and as a person and I feel terribly that I have hurt her through my actions.
I am deeply sorry. I realize that asking a Black woman to soften or edit her tone is taking part in a long history of racism against Black women who have been asked to change the way they speak to accommodate others. This is not the way that I want to behave and I am taking time now to do the work to examine my own biases.
I am appreciative of Sam Hunter for calling me out on this behavior on her blog and I am also appreciative that Ebony took the time do write about what happened on her blog as well. I know that I have caused hurt and harm, not just to Ebony, but also to other members and to our organization as a whole.
Through my actions, we have lost a valuable member of the Craft Industry Alliance community. I am deeply sorry. I have apologized to Ebony privately, but I also feel it’s important to do so in a public way.
Craft Industry Alliance should be a place where all business owners feel welcome and where frank business advice can be shared. That has always been my mission and that is my goal now and going forward. I realize that this apology is just the beginning, that we will need to do ongoing work over the weeks, months, and years to come to be an anti-racist organization.
Here are some steps I’ve set up as part of our action plan:
- I am reading How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi and doing my own work to better understand my biases.
- We are meeting next week with Black Makers Matter to discuss ways in which we can support their work and further their message through our platform and audience.
- I am working to diversify the writers in our freelancer pool. This week we’ve added 19 BIPOC writers making our total pool 37% people of color.
- I am working to increase the number of BIPOC guests I interview on our podcast so that we can hear more diverse stories and business experiences.
- We are looking to hire more Black presenters for our webinars. We have already reached out to several new presenters and will continue to reach out to more in the coming months.
- I’m conducting an audit of our membership, our policies, and our community structure in order to better understand where we are and what we need to do going forward.
- We’re working with the Social Justice Sewing Academy on developing new Youth Mentorship program to help guide and encourage young entrepreneurs. More details on this project coming soon.
This is the beginning. We can and will do more. As the co-founder and president of this organization, I am dedicated to doing the work and expect that the community will hold us accountable.
You made a huge mistake. I expect more of you and any organization I support to be aware, thoughtful, and unbiased. I will be canceling my membership.
As a person who made a well above average living as a face-to-face communicator for decades, I very kindly suggest “getting in step” with the other person as a starting point is rather a bit more effective than push-n-shove. Unfortunately, harsh words tend to stop people from listening by the third or fourth word. It’s sand paper and salt on what might be an open wound.
Ebony’s words were not harsh. They were intelligent, thoughtful, she showed her knowledge.
I agree with you and I regret my mistake in asking her to soften her tone.
No you don’t. Because you didn’t see fit to apologize, or “apologize” until Sam wrote about it.
Just, ugh. So fed up with you all who do this stuff, KNOWINGLY, and it isn’t until a peer or someone with a huge following calls you out that you then submit some sad sack apology.
You didn’t make a mistake, you made a choice.
I agree with you, John. I acted without thinking and I made a mistake that I deeply regret. Thank you for this sage advice.
I respect and admire Ebony Love immensely. I think it is a good start to publicly apologize here on your blog about your actions to Ebony, but I think a good next step would be to see if you could actually hire Ebony to create a special council of advisors to the Craft Industry Alliance to help your members better understand the lives of black people, black people in the industry, as well as how CIA can be more open and inclusive in the future. Our society needs to not just embrace the Black Lives Moment today but to take steps to ensure we are always aware of our words and actions and that we squash racism vs try to deny it is in fact part of our society. Again, efforts to fix this won’t happen in a day, but a continuous effort thus I truly believe Ebony would make a great leader for such an effort if CIA is truly committed to helping stop racism and establish equality within our creative community.
Thank you for your comment. I’m working on forming a board of advisors for Craft Industry Alliance to help inform the direction of the organization. I’m excited about this. As you said, this is a longterm effort and not something that can be “fixed” in a day.
I am not surprised at these actions. You have been toned deaf for ever. I reached out to you several times for plugs and announcements for my bra making group and conference and you literally ignored me. I believe your positive actions when I see them. Stop patronizing and pacifying is it’s not needed. Treat us as equal peers. We don’t need you too keep saying how intelligent and smart we are — so b/c we are black we are often thought of as less? Unbelievable!
Hi Donna, I remember your email to me. You reached out once, the week before the workshop, asking for coverage, and I did respond that I needed more notice in order to provide coverage of an event. I appreciate that you got in touch. I haven’t indicated that Black women are thought of as less. I’m sorry you feel that I’ve said that.
i recommend giving the website attached a read. nothing is more dismissive than saying “i’m sorry you feel…” it takes the accountability of the actions off of you and blames the person you’re trying to apologize to for having feelings. those feelings were a result of your actions and you should own up to them. words, and how you use them, matter.
Nicole – what website are you referring to? Thanks
See, that’s the part of her post that has set me on edge too! “ Ebony has always stood out to me as an exceptionally smart and professional presence in our community and in the quilting industry at large.” It just seems … god, I can’t even put my finger on it, but I think you definitely know what I mean!
Here’s the thing: in your apology above you list Ebony’s accomplishments, how business savvy she is, etc., but Black womxn deserve respect no matter what their accomplishments are. Maybe you’re trying to convey the importance of her presence in the industry, but what it reads as is you saying that your tone policing her is unacceptable because of those accomplishments. And the response needs to be that we white people should never tone police Black womxn ever.
This. If she has an 8th grade education and worked some menial job, she would still be WORTHY of respect.
This is so, “GASP!! you’re SO articulate and well spoken!” microaggression.
I am a quilter of color married to a Jewish man. Most of our family members have experienced racism. I am surprised that you, Abby, was not more sensitive as you are Jewish and therefore, also a minority. Yes, CIA have to do more to support creative people of all colors and ethnicities, not just pay lip service. My daughter decided she had enough from her insensitive white male boss who called her “Pocahontas “ and “Sacajawea “ whenever she wore her hair in braids. She left that company and is trying to start her own company, becoming another minority female business-owner. Unfortunately in this white-dominated economy, I see that she will have to struggle.
I’m sorry that happened to your daughter. Yes, I am a Jewish woman and a white woman.
Another consideration: you mentioned adding more Black writers along with more presenters and guests on the podcasts… but who is going to protect them from YOU? Anti-racism work is hard and long and these issues will not magically disappear overnight. Meanwhile, in an effort to “diversify” you’re putting Black womxn in a vulnerable position where they have an “opportunity,” but one that comes with a chance of being tone policed (or worse) by you. Perhaps it’s time to reexamine the power structures themselves within the CIA.
Thank you for your feedback, Phoebe. One step I’m taking when it comes to the power structure within Craft Industry Alliance is to form a board of advisors to help make decisions that will inform the organization’s direction.
Abby, we all make mistakes. I believe deep down you are a very good person and am thankful you’ve made your apology. There’s a lot of heat and frustration in the posts here, so it’s a lesson to the rest of us to do better. And we will. We’re all learning.
Actually I should have said “I believe you are a very good person”!!! Not just deep down! Oops!
I appreciate your words of support, Annika.
More than adding diverse voices needs to be done here. What about offering continuing webinars/education/etc. About antiracist policies for craft businesses? Hire experts to provide this information and why it’s important, starting with tone policing. I hope there’s also a commitment to calling out racist behaviors on all CIA platforms and what will not be tolerated.
Yes, I am working on hiring experts to provide that kind of training.
Abby, even in this apology you have minimized your actions. Both Sam & Ebony describe your stating to Sam that you wouldn’t have tone policed her in the same way, and your completely unwarranted criticism of Ebony went beyond what is described here. I read the screenshots of Ebony’s comments and they were helpful, straightforward, and factual. Any “tone” was in completely in your perception and reflective of your biases, which you fail to acknowledge here. I am glad that you’ve publicly apologized to Ebony for your behavior, which was truly unacceptable. But you seem unable to fully articulate what you’ve done, and you fail to acknowledge that your response comes only after being called-out by a fellow white woman. I’m glad that you’re reading a book about racism, but I hope you recognize that that is really a very small step in starting to do the necessary work on yourself. I am not a member of the CIA but I hope that you’ve made this apology also a part of your FB group and taken fuller responsibility for your own actions.
I love the quote by Maya Angelou. “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better do better.”
It seems to me that your apology was a thorough one, and it addressed your hurtful actions directly and specifically. You were contrite and sincere. I’ve read through the blog post of the person who you offended and see how she was hurt. I, too, am trying hard to perceive better and learn more. I hope your apology will be accepted.
Abby, you defended your tone policing to Sam and only posted this non-apology after Sam blogged about what happened. An apology without action and genuine contrition is meaningless. The fact remains that you have created a toxic culture and environment where minority voices are not valued. You have a long history of bullying and attacking individuals and companies to further your agenda. All the public apologies in the world mean nothing until you actually address your issues.
From the perspective of a list owner: you do have to end threads that are counter-productive and unkind. I think you acted a little precipitously and unfairly but I have the advantage of 20/20 hindsight. You have admitted the error and committed yourself to do better in the future. Now is the time to show everyone that you mean it. Really, that is all anyone can ask.
Abby, the discussion of racism and inclusion blew up the knitting world in January, 2019 – eighteen months ago. Layla F Saad’s “Me and White Supremacy Workbook” was a free pdf download at the time, now it’s a published book – I recommend reading that one too. CIA even covered the issue (briefly, in a roundup) over a year ago: https://craftindustryalliance.org/yarn-industry-news-update/
You’ve had EIGHTEEN MONTHS to do the work. How is it a surprise to you now, that tone policing is not the right thing to do? For all your work in becoming a leader in covering news events in the craft industry, you sure missed (ignored?) a big one. Ignorance is no longer an excuse. Do better.
Please, can everyone stop with all the apologising? It serves no one and demands made for people to do so often seeks to humiliate and even destroy, usually without just cause or reason. The craft industry is very busy silencing one another right now and destroying itself from the outside in. Cancel culture is just poisonous. I demand the right to be offended and anyone should be able to take offence without it being a major incident. What ever happened to simple disagreement and/or misunderstanding?
Something grievously wrong is happening in the world right now, it’s sinister and bad and a microcosm of it has played out in the crafting community – which is in danger of completely breaking down in this current climate of fear. There never is the ‘right’ thing for people to say. The ‘right’ thing so easily becomes wrong. Whole communities just eating each other up one by one – no matter what the colour of our skin. Bullying is bullying too and I see it right here on this page. Unkindness is never a virtue. Group think is not a good thing for people.
Abby you always do your best and that is always as much as anyone can do. You are kind and tolerant and far from being a bigot. To suggest otherwise is unfair.
Well said.
Voting with your dollars is one of the best ways to stand behind what you believe. Explaining why you are choosing or not choosing to spend your money the way you do allows others a bit of understanding for your actions. Sara, your comment says to me that your method of being offended (no quite sure what that is other than it wouldn’t be what Ebony has done) is ok, but that Ebony is wrong. This, again, is a form of tone policing.
Sara, you have written that the craft industry is destroying itself from the outside in. What do you mean by that? That what has been considered “normal” is now being openly challenged? This is an industry and though it is made up of people industry always comes back to the bottom line and the dollar.
Calling on someone to be better, to do better, is not ‘group think’.
Will the results of the audit be made available to members?
Abby, I apologize this comment is late, I have been avoiding social media and groups, specifically because of the current climate. I wanted to let you know, I met you in person at the Houston Market last year. I am Mexican and I’m as brown as my husband is white. I want to let you know, you were kind, engaging, and not once did you make me feel uncomfortable, or that my color was an issue for you. I’m praying you are okay and I genuinely believe you are a good person.