When I started my blog in 2007, I wrote about things that I made with and for my kids. Family life was a natural part of the blogging experience. For years, I shared Halloween costumes, school auction projects, crafts with the kids, and even recipes. Blogging was a visual diary of my crafty family life, with a supportive online community that helped me feel connected when I was home with two small children.
When my blog grew into a business with books and fabric, and my kids grew older, I felt the need to pull the line a little further back to protect my privacy. These days, family life is hard, and I have a tendency to share the sun more often than the clouds. Sometimes I feel that what I present on social media is a falsehood.
For those of us who may be overly analytical, our identity gets all mixed up, even when we try to separate our business life from our personal life. This struggle for identity seems particularly challenging for women. I watch my daughters try to define themselves at 10 and 12, while I am still struggling to do the same at 42. In business, we look to success to define us; in creativity, we look for recognition; and as women, we often seek comparison. This becomes difficult when what we see all around us is a brand being portrayed, and not a person. It’s important to remember that everyone has drawn a line about how much reality they are showing the world — and behind that line there is probably all kinds of messy stuff.
I’m skeptical of life coaches and marketing experts who tell you how to “sell yourself” because this seems artificial. However, it’s important to consider how you want to convey your personality through your brand and decide how personal you need to get. I have a Facebook page where I share photos of my kids, links to articles that interest me, and where I interact with friends. This is not my business persona. I use another Facebook page for that. On Instagram, I do a little of both, but I find that most of my followers would rather see photos of fabric than kids. On Twitter I share more than just my fabric interests, because like everyone, I am a multi-faceted person. But I make up the rules as I go along.
Perhaps it’s worthwhile to come up with guidelines for social media so you won’t do what I frequently do — post a tweet, then delete it realizing you’ve gone too far and possibly offended a sweet quilting grandmother in Wisconsin. Since my business has evolved from a personal blog and new social media platforms keep popping up, I haven’t taken the time to sit down and decide what I want people to know about me. We are always changing and evolving, so it’s important to build a brand and social media plan that allows you to change course as you delve into new areas of interest. Maybe you started as a “Mommy Blogger,” but now you’re an independent clothing designer. Allow yourself the freedom to grow. As a freelance designer and writer, I’m always changing my mind about what I want to be, and as I tell my kids all the time — it’s not what you are that defines you, but who you are. I still need to hear this myself.
We live in the affirmation age. Studies have shown that we get a physical boost from likes or comments to our social media posts. Hearts, pins, thumbs up, retweets — all of it affirms that someone sees and connects with us. This instant gratification is addictive and compels us to seek it more frequently. When we are marketer and maker, our brains have trouble making the distinction between positive feedback that can increase sales and reassurance that others accept us. Although advertising seeps into every aspect of our online world, and Millennials may not know the meaning of the term “sell-out,” I think we all struggle with these conflicting identities. We can use social media as a promotional tool, but we can’t allow it to measure our self-worth.
No matter what kind of creative business you are in, I encourage you to pull back the curtain occasionally and let people see backstage. As creative people, we need to share the struggle; as women, we need to remember that it’s hard work. Sell out with integrity and build a brand that truly reflects who you are as a person — often flawed, occasionally struggling, and always human.
Ellen Baker is a fabric designer for the Japanese company Kokka, a blogger at The Long Thread, and author of 1,2,3 Sew and 1,2,3 Quilt from Chronicle Books. She lives in Atlanta, Georgia.
Ellen, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this article. Brilliantly written and so very true. Thank you.
Wow. I haven’t thought about this before – the emotional lift I get from every heart or thumbs up. Yes, separating our self-value is so important as we market ourselves. I have a lot of pondering to do! Thank you!
This is powerful and so very true. Both makers and their audiences need to remember that there are persons behind the screens. Be kind to each other and share the journey!
Such a good post Ellen. I too have a Facebook page that’s private, and I don’t even let many business crossover friends on there (sorry to everyone that’s in my “pending friends” group!), as it’s my only fully private place on the web. With my recent loss, I’ve had to cross this line in a way I didn’t think I’d do, but I also knew that there was no way to continue on with photos of pretty fabric, as that felt super false. I love knowing a bit of the person behind the brand, but I also fully understand the line that must be drawn to protect our privacy. I think our followers get that too. Or at least I hope they do!
Your honestly is so appreciated. It is nice to hear that others share in our struggles. I wish you continued success in life and in your career.
Funny, I have been thinking about this a lot. What I ultimately come down to is that for myself, I am branding a small family business, so a few pics of what we do on a day to day basis here and there help tell the story. At least on Instagram. I don’t do that on FB, which is just a different type of format, and I keep that product and article sharing focused. And yes, those likes and hearts to what you post do make me happy, despite the fact that it shouldn’t affect me one way or the other. But it’s like an affirmation of what you are doing.
This is such a thoughtful, beautifully expressed post. I wrestle with these issues, too, as do my clients. I really appreciate the way you’ve opened a channel for more candid conversation around this stuff. Thank you!
I love you Ellen! I find myself torn about what to share. I want to share it all, but I know not everyone is interested. It holds me back. I try to be honest in my posts, and I hope that shows through. I would love to be in a community filled with women who support each other and not tear each other down. There are so many things in life telling us, as women, we are not good enough, and the last place I want to feel that is where I create.
I remember the time I competed in Creating with the Stars online. (They now host a TV show.) I labored for weeks coming up with well done projects. No one saw the hard work, the mistakes, or the tears that were shed. All they saw were the pretty staged photos I posted. No one knew that even though a beautifully well-styled buffet was pictured, that immediately behind the photographer (me) was a pile of crap that helped to make that photo great.
The same scenario happens for my quilt photos or when I take little snippets of my work. They don’t see the chaos around me, just a beautiful 2 inch photo.
Being propelled into quilting didn’t quite prepare me for brand identity. I’m still struggling and still deciding what I want myself to reflect. And how to convey that brand over social media is difficult because I’m still in the mindset that it’s just me. Just Nancy doing her thing like she’s always done. Wait. Now I have people actually and sincerely watching me? It’s a total game changer.
I’m glad we got to meet because now I was able to picture you speaking to me. 🙂 xx
It’s true that the blog world is a new[er] style of discourse and we can not be completely sure of all the implications it is making on ourselves or to society at large. But your conscientiousness of that fact will go along ways. Good post!
Great post! I identify with this 100%. I think it’s important to be authentic and true to yourself on and off social media. Thanks for your thoughts.
Thank you for this honest and thought-provoking post! A very timely read for me. Thanks again!
Great thoughts. Just remember this . The number of “likes” and reposts won’t be on your headstone or be part of the tearful eulogy spoken at your funeral. There will only be family and your closest friends. So all that other stuff is just noise. Filter the noise and worry about what is most important. If mommy blogging about your life got you where you are, then maybe who you are is just fine – even on the messiest of days. Don’t worry about putting on a persona for the public or allow the number of likes or retweets to give you validation of who you are as a person. Truly, none of that matters. Flattering? Yes. Substantial? Not really.
Now, all of that is easy to say when nobody is looking at my blog…yet. I’ve only a handful of followers but I just keep in mind to be me as I type and share. Do I filter? Sure. But mostly I filter swear words or move the wine glass out of the shot. I’m a bit older than your average blogger (52) and I don’t rely on my blog for income. One of my favorite bloggers is lladybird.com and Lauren doesn’t filter much. She just lets it fly – blue hair and sailor’s language and all. But that’s who she is and she’s very successful. To me, as long as you don’t intend to offend, then if someone is offended, that’s their problem vs. yours.
I think this is one of the most well written pieces on this subject, but I’m probably biased because I struggle with this subject. I think your conclusion is correct because we aren’t solely a brand like ‘BERNINA’ or ‘Aurifil’, we are human beings and our ‘brand’ has to reflect that, without going into the minutia of daily life. I’m not criticizing people who do that because they do have a following and that’s the brand they have built (Pioneer Woman?). I haven’t started selling, but to err on the side of caution I don’t want to share my highly personal details or thoughts. On the other hand, this has held me back from expressing things I would like to share or discuss. It’s a Catch-22 for me. I do have two twitter accounts, my Instagram account is neutral, and my Facebook account is supposedly personal. I’ve started, but abandoned, both personal and ‘public’ blogs – abandoned because I’ve found that having a purely ‘public’ persona is difficult. Even keeping my personal Facebook account ‘clean’ and not too opinionated is difficult. It’s like the G-rated version of myself.
Ted Radio hour did some great segments about how social media and technology are developing us into dual personalities. We now manage our real personal lives and our social media image persona.
You can find them here:
http://www.npr.org/programs/ted-radio-hour/438902974/screen-time-part-i?showDate=2015-09-11
http://www.npr.org/programs/ted-radio-hour/440141277?showDate=2015-09-18
Thank you for these links!